May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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