how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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