farters have to be the big spoon...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
