HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
