I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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