Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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