You made me cry and you don't even care
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
