I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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