Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
