Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
