When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Is it because I queefed?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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