My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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