You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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