just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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