I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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