We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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