last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
