They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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