I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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