Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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