Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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