I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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