I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize