You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
