I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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