if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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