i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
