It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize