Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
