Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
