she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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