Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
