Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
