I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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