Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
