3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
