I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
