You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize