It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
