is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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