I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
