sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
