she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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