What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I accidentally had phone sex last night
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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