you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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