Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
