I bet he comes in French.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You're like the curious george of whores
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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