I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
