The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
