She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
