he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
