I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
