You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
