I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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