it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
