Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
