YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
