My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
