No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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