I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
