My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
