Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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