this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
