I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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