found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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