There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
