it wasn't lemon gatorade
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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